


The Price of Edora

by MissAnnThropic



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode: s03e17 A Hundred Days, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-24
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-09 21:54:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10422609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissAnnThropic/pseuds/MissAnnThropic
Summary: Sam suffers the consequences of pushing herself too hard in order to bring Jack back from Edora.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> General Warning: I will not tag to your satisfaction. I think tagging is out of control, and I will not tag a fic to the point of spoiling what happens in a fic. I’m an old-school reader who believes the story should be able to surprise you. If that’s a deal-breaker for you, turn back now.
> 
> Cross-posting: I do not consent to have my fics posted to other websites (such a Goodreads).

General George Hammond felt as if a weight had lifted from his shoulders when he saw Jack O’Neill emerge from the Stargate. The colonel had been trapped on Edora for over three months, and while Hammond had kept his doubts to himself, he had begun to suspect Jack was dead. At one point or another, it seemed everyone at the SGC had entertained that thought.

Everyone except Samantha Carter. She had never allowed the suspicion to enter her mind that Jack had been killed by the meteor storm, and it was that willful refusal to accept his death that drove her to do the impossible and bring him home.

And suddenly there he was, strolling down the embarkation ramp looking the worse for wear but _alive_. He was in ratty clothes, dirty, and unshaven, but it was a huge relief to see him.

“Colonel O’Neill,” Hammond greeted as the missing man reached the bottom of the ramp. “Welcome home.”

“Thank you, General,” Jack said flatly.

Jack’s team formed up around him: Dr. Jackson on the left, Major Carter on the right, and Teal’c just behind Jack on the ramp.

Hammond paused to consider SG-1. He’d gotten good at reading his flagship team the moment they returned from off-world missions, and at that moment their moods weren’t what he expected.

Sam looked withdrawn, tired in a way she hadn’t looked for the entire three months she was working herself past the point of human endurance. Daniel looked torn between annoyed and concerned as he darted glances between Jack and Sam. Teal’c looked stern, quietly judging. And Jack…

Jack looked blank, which Hammond knew meant Jack was feeling something close to pain. The colonel was open and vocal about displeasure and anger, was quick to let his sarcasm and biting sense of humor off its leash, but pain he put behind a locked door.

It confused Hammond. He’d expected celebration and relief from the colonel to finally be home. Instead, Jack had that shuttered look.

Hammond didn’t know where to begin asking what had happened, but he would have to say something before any of them would budge from their spot.

“It’s good to have you home, Jack,” Hammond ventured.

“Yes, sir,” Jack replied automatically, like he was reading a line in a script but did not feel the words. Sam’s eyes were fixed on the floor. Daniel scowled at Jack. Teal’c lifted one eyebrow imperiously.

Baffled, Hammond said, “Well, I know Dr. Fraiser is eager to look you over, so I won’t keep you. The rest of you are free to go.” There were protocols that dictated visits to known worlds didn’t require post-mission check-ups if the visit was short enough. “Colonel, I’d like to see you at 0900 tomorrow to discuss your stay on Edora in more detail.”

“Swell,” Jack drawled. Before Hammond could prod further, Jack said, “Best not keep Doc waiting. General.” With that, Jack strode off toward the open blast door.

Most telling of all that something was wrong… no one followed him. The rest of SG-1 stayed where they were and watched Jack, their teammate who’d been missing for months, walk off alone.

“Major?” Hammond asked.

Sam looked ashen as she shook her head. “May I be dismissed, sir?”

Hammond was tempted to push for an explanation, but Sam looked like hell and he didn’t have the heart. “Of course.”

Sam left next, her feet practically dragging.

Hammond turned to Daniel. “Dr. Jackson? What’s going on?”

Daniel, ever the diplomat, pressed his lips together and his brow furrowed. “I don’t think the reunion was what anyone thought it would be.” Then he gave an apologetic shrug and left the room.

Hammond turned finally to Teal’c, who merely tipped his head and proceeded toward the exit. Hammond hadn’t really expected to glean anything from the Jaffa, but sometimes Teal’c surprised him. Today was not one of those days.

Not for the first time, Hammond wondered if SG-1 was too enmeshed for a military unit. Whatever tension had been singing through the four of them a moment ago… it felt interpersonal.

Hammond sighed and turned to head back to his office. The close-knit team looked like less of a problem from his desk.

**********

Sam stepped into her lab with no memory of the walk there. She blinked at the disarray on her work table – the mess left over after building the accelerator – and felt nothing but exhaustion. The rush of accomplishment was gone. It was hard to remember what it had even felt like.

She couldn’t remember ever feeling so tired in her entire life. Preparing for her doctoral dissertation was a cakewalk compared to the last few months.

Opting to leave the overhead lights off, pained at the mere thought of their harsh glare, she moved to her shadowed desk and turned on the work lamp. Then she sat down on her stool and slouched, shoulders drooping and hands still in her lap for the first time in a hundred days.

The reality of everything that had happened since Jack was first lost hit her then. Not like a freight train – her brain was much too weary for that – but like the tide coming in. Every minute a little closer, a little higher, engulfing just a little more, rolling over her with the pull of the moon.

Funny thing was, when she’d been working frantically to get him back, she hadn’t felt the strain. She’d been tired, sure, but not overly so. She wouldn’t allow it. The need to bring Jack home had driven her past the point of human endurance… not that Sam had let that matter.

For a hundred days, all the sleepless nights, grueling hours, and skipped meals had been outside factors. Extraneous pieces of a frail human life she didn’t have time for, so she put it all to the side to finish her work. For the time she’d been focused on her goal, she really hadn’t noticed what it was doing to her.

But now Jack was back – and he didn’t even seem _happy_ about that – and Sam couldn’t hold back the tide any longer.

Every hour of lost sleep, every minute she’d been working like a woman possessed, every time she’d neglected her own health… it felt like it came crashing down on her. A great force seemed determined to drag her down through the crust of the Earth, and she wouldn’t have the energy to fight it if she started sinking right then.

A haze seemed to blunt her senses, making the world only semi-real. She felt simultaneously hot and cold, and was too tired to do anything about any of it.

Sam dropped her chin to her chest and breathed raggedly. She’d given all she had to give and more for a man who wasn’t even grateful.

If she had anything left in her, she might have been hurt. Or angry. 

As it was, she was just _tired_.

Sam folded her arms atop her work table, leaned over to drop her head onto her forearm, and closed her eyes.

She’d just rest for a minute. Maybe after that, she could muster the strength to pull her life back together.

**********

“Well, Colonel… considering you’ve been MIA for over three months, I’d say you’re in excellent health.” Janet Fraiser made a note in his chart while Jack O’Neill sat on a bed in the infirmary. Daniel was hovering at the entrance to the infirmary, waiting for Jack to be released with his arms crossed and lips pursed. It was the look of ‘we need to talk’ Daniel, and Jack was torn between wanting the exam to be over so he could leave and wanting it to drag on to avoid whatever Daniel wanted to discuss.

“The people on Edora took care of me,” Jack said to Janet’s observation of his physical condition. One Edoran in particular took especially good care of him. Just thinking of Laira made his stomach knot.

“It seems so,” Janet agreed. “I don’t find any indications of malnutrition or traumatic injury. If anything, you’ve put on some muscle since you left.”

“Yeah, well, lots of digging, tilling, rebuilding… no TV.” He shrugged.

Janet’s mouth twitched in a smile, but it faded quickly. She looked troubled, which Jack didn’t think his state warranted (since Janet had just praised his good health). The doctor softened her voice when she said, “A lot of people here were worried about you.”

Jack nodded absently, eyes locked on the gray dust on his pants from the pit where the Stargate had been buried. He’d spent months digging through that dust and dirt to get back to Earth, and now here he was, and it didn’t feel as great as he thought it should.

There was a long silence, broken when Janet said, “Colonel?”

“Hmmm?”

“Are you all right?”

No, everything was not all right, but Jack was all too aware that Janet could recommend him for a psych eval before he’d be cleared for duty, and he had zero interest in seeing the base shrink.

He looked up and met Janet’s gaze, determined to look _stable_. “It’s been a long three months, Doc,” he answered cryptically.

Janet studied him a moment, then nodded. “It has been. For all of you.”

Jack wasn’t sure what that meant, but at the moment he didn’t care. “So, can I go?”

“You may. Just be sure to get some rest.”

“No problem.” With that, Jack slid off the gurney…

… and walked right into the human trap that was Daniel.

“Hey, Jack,” Daniel said with care as he took up alongside Jack as the colonel headed for the locker room.

“Daniel.”

For a while, they walked in silence, and Jack almost hoped it was going to be one of those ‘silent solidarity’ moments.

No such luck. “So… good to be back?”

Funny that Daniel phrased that as a question. “Yeah, sure.”

Daniel scowled.

Jack reached the locker room and Daniel followed him right in. Jack’s street clothes were still hanging in his locker where he’d left them over three months ago when he’d changed for the mission to Edora. It felt like a lifetime ago, and yet there they were, just as he’d left them. As if no time at all had passed.

He began to strip out of his borrowed clothes, Laira’s late husband’s clothes, while Daniel hovered.

“It’s just…” Daniel stammered, “you don’t seem very happy to be home.”

_Home_. That word had been a siren call, a pipe dream, and an accepted second-best in the span of the last few months. The word had become a blessing and a bane. Jack sighed. “What do you want from me, Daniel?”

“Well, gratitude would be nice.”

Jack stepped into his jeans and glanced over at the linguist. “Thanks.” The word sounded far from sincere.

Daniel narrowed his eyes. “I didn’t mean me.”

Jack pulled on his shirt and snagged his jacket from the hook inside his locker. He checked the pocket to make sure his truck keys were still in them. It would be strange to drive again after months hoofing it everywhere.

“So, Laira…” Daniel began.

Jack rounded on him. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

Jack clenched his jacket tightly. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I was just going to say you two seemed… close.”

Jack’s temper flared white-hot. “You don’t get to judge me.”

Daniel had the audacity to feign innocence. “I’m not.”

“You _are_ ,” Jack snarled. “And you know what? You can shove it up your ass.”

Innocence gave way to displeasure.

“You have no idea what it was like being trapped out there,” Jack said in clipped, terse words. 

“It wasn’t great on this end, either,” Daniel countered.

“Right. Being _home_ must have been a real hardship.” Jack slammed his locker shut and made for the door. “Just… back off, Daniel.”

Jack didn’t expect it to be that easy – it never was with Daniel Jackson – but to his shock (and relief) Daniel didn’t follow him as he headed for the elevator.

**********

Daniel Jackson made his way to Sam’s lab not sure what he was going to say to her. Sam had worked so hard to get Jack home, and he’d blown her off back on Edora. Jack had walked right past her, mid-sentence, to go to another woman.

Sam couldn’t say it bothered her on account of _regulations_ , but Daniel had been confused and angry on Sam’s behalf. How could Jack not realize how much effort it had taken to bring him back? Did Jack think getting back to Edora was _easy_ , but for some flaky reason the SGC just decided to take three months?

Sure, it couldn’t have been easy for Jack either, stranded light years from home and not knowing if he’d ever get back to his world, but clearly it wasn’t too bad if he didn’t even want to leave when they finally reached him.

Daniel rounded the corner and walked into Sam’s lab to find it dark but for a patch of light at the major’s work table. Sam was bent over with her head on her arms. Daniel’s heart went out to her. He _knew_ how tired she had to be – he’d seen her working herself to death to get Jack back.

And for what? For Jack to be a colossal ass?

“Sam?”

She didn’t move at the sound of his voice. Probably fast asleep, if Daniel had to guess. 

Daniel sighed and moved toward her. She certainly needed the rest, but she could at least go to temps and lie down in an actual bed. No reason for her to suffer a crick in her neck on top of everything else she’d put herself through for an ungrateful colonel.

When he was closer, Daniel reached out and touched her shoulder gently. “Sam?”

She still didn’t move a muscle. In fact…

She seemed _too_ still. He could see she was breathing, but it seemed off.

Daniel frowned and shook her. “Sam, wake up.”

Nothing.

“Oh, this can’t be good. Sam? _Sam_!” He shook her harder and Sam unexpectedly slumped sideways, almost spilling off the stool to the floor if Daniel hadn’t scrambled to catch her.

“Shit… shit! Somebody! A little help in here!” Daniel shouted as Sam’s head lolled against his chest. Daniel gaped at how pale and drawn her face looked. Definitely not good.

“ _Help_!” Daniel yelled louder.

An airman finally heard his cries and came running. One look at the major lifeless in Daniel Jackson’s arms and he was on the phone calling for a med team.

Daniel held Sam until Janet and a couple of nurses rushed into the lab with a gurney. Janet made a beeline for Sam as Daniel started talking. “I came in and she wasn’t moving. Why isn’t she moving? What’s wrong with her?”

Janet peeled back one of Sam’s eyelids to check her pupil reaction, took her pulse, then she barked for the nurses to get Sam loaded on the gurney.

Daniel reluctantly let go of Sam as the nurses lifted her onto the gurney and started to roll her toward the infirmary with Janet hot on their heels.

Daniel followed close behind.

Once in the infirmary, Janet began ordering tests and procedures. Daniel felt like a little boy lost at the circus when he tugged on Janet’s sleeve.

“Janet? What’s wrong with her?”

Janet gave Daniel a harried look. “I won’t know until I examine her more closely, but if I had to guess? I’d say the last three months of working herself to the bone finally caught up with her.”

Daniel let Janet get back to work and looked over at Sam lying unconscious on the gurney swarmed by nurses.

_Jack did that_.

Daniel’s last remaining good will toward Jack O’Neill about the whole Edora thing vanished in that second. Sam had driven herself so hard she _collapsed_ , and Jack didn’t give a fuck.

Furious in a way normally reserved for the Goa’uld, Daniel turned on his heel and marched straight to the elevator. He couldn’t just stand there doing nothing, and there was nothing he could do to help Sam back in the infirmary. But he _could_ do something about Jack O’Neill.

Daniel didn’t give a _shit_ if Jack ‘didn’t want to talk about it’. He had to answer for the pain he’d caused. Suffering in order to bring him home that he couldn’t even be bothered to be thankful for.

Most of all, he owed Sam an apology. Sam would never press Jack for one for several reasons (not the least of which was him being her commanding officer), and normally Daniel would stay out of their strange, riddled-with-sexual-tension relationship. But not this time. Not now. Sam was in the infirmary because of Jack, and Daniel would make damn sure Jack knew that. He would _make_ Jack recognize the sacrifices Sam had made for him, even if he couldn’t manage to be grateful for them.

Because one thing was certain – Sam damn well deserved better than what Jack had given her.


	2. Chapter 2

Jack was halfway through his second stale beer when there was a rapid knocking on his front door.

The colonel continued to lounge on his couch, beer neck held loosely between his fingers. He had no intention of answering the door. Whoever it was could fuck off.

The knocking escalated into pounding, and Jack rose indignantly and made for the door to shout at the perpetrator to get lost.

He wasn’t particularly surprised to see Daniel on his doorstep, though he thought the linguist was smarter than this. Jack felt like he’d made his mood – and his desire to _not_ be bothered – abundantly clear on base. There were levels to his wrath and times when Daniel could press his luck with an irate Jack O’Neill. This was not one of those levels where it was wise to pester the tiger.

And yet, there Daniel was, playing with fire.

“Daniel,” Jack said icily.

“Jack,” Daniel countered, his tone just as frosty. There was stubbornness and confrontation in Daniel’s bearing, fiery determination in his expression, and it just made Jack angrier. _Not today_ , god damnit.

“Pretty sure I told you I don’t want to talk.”

“Well, that’s too fucking bad.”

Jack felt his hackles rise. So, this was how Daniel wanted to play, then. Ire for ire. The kid was hopelessly outmatched.

“Get out,” Jack snarled and moved to close the door.

Daniel barged in before he could be locked out. It brought him toe to toe with Jack O’Neill, and in Jack’s current mood that was foolish. _Dangerous_. No one could say the archaeologist didn’t have guts.

Jack narrowed his eyes at Daniel. He only had about an inch of height on Daniel, but he used that and his presence to loom over the younger man. “You really don’t want to be here,” Jack warned.

“Because you’re being a gigantic ass today? No argument from me there.”

“Yeah? You came all the way over to tell me that? Well, mission accomplished, you told me, now _leave_.”

“What’s your problem?”

“Excuse me?”

“Are you _mad_ that we came back for you? Because you sure as hell don’t seem _happy_ about it.”

“Don’t be an idiot,” Jack growled.

“Then explain it to me. Explain how you can act like we did you a _disservice_ by rescuing you.”

“Look, I didn’t think I’d ever go home again. Or if I _did_ , it wouldn’t be anytime soon. I had to make peace with that.” It took _months_ , but he finally had.

“How could you give up?” Daniel demanded. “How could you think _we_ would give up? So, what? Does that ‘no one gets left behind’ not apply to you?”

Truth was, Jack knew he wasn’t worth that. He wasn’t irreplaceable… not like Carter or Daniel. Admitting that was a hard pill to swallow, but Jack was nothing if not a pragmatist. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Did you even _want_ to come back?” Daniel challenged. “Or would you rather we’d left you to play house?”

“I’m not listening to this,” Jack said in disgust. He turned to retreat further into his house only for Daniel to follow him, slamming the front door behind him so loudly that it caused Jack to round on him again.

Before Jack could let loose another verbal attack, Daniel was letting Jack have it. “Do you have any idea what Sam did to get you back? She did the _impossible_ to bring you home, and you treated her like shit for her trouble.”

The urge to punch Daniel was crawling up Jack’s spine. “Carter does the impossible on a weekly basis. Am I supposed to thank her now for doing her job?”

“You could at least _acknowledge_ her herculean effort to save your sorry ass.”

“I’m not a damn school teacher handing out gold stars, Daniel. Carter’s not a _child_.” The word slipped out without forewarning and tore at Jack’s chest. He clenched his jaw to hold back any other mutilating words.

Daniel scowled mutinously at Jack a second before he asked, “Is this about Laira? Because I never took you for the ‘girl in every port’ type.” 

Rage exploded in Jack’s skull, filling his veins with fire. “You’re one to fucking talk! You knew Sha’re, what, ten minutes before you decided to marry her?” Daniel’s expression turned thunderous. Not that it stopped Jack’s tirade. “I’d say that’s the pot calling the kettle black, but you know me and clichés. So don’t you dare talk to me about shacking up with the locals, Daniel, because you are the _poster-child_.”

Daniel’s face had gone red with fury while wetness glistened in his eyes. Jack could see the damage he’d done, and part of him didn’t care. The other part made him turn, intent on retreating before he could do worse.

Daniel’s hand came down hard on Jack’s shoulder and yanked him back.

Jack turned on a dime and he hauled back his fist to throw a punch.

Daniel full-body flinched and fear flashed behind his eyes, but he stood his ground. He knew damn well what Jack could do to a man with his bare hands, but he didn’t run.

Before Jack could let his fist fly, the wind went out of his sails and he sagged, hand dropping limply to his side. For reasons he’d rather not dissect, he could no sooner hit Daniel than he could have hit Charlie.

What was left in Jack after he lost his anger was pain… and Jack kind of hated Daniel for leaving him with _that_. He’d rather be angry than hurting.

“You have no idea what it was like,” Jack said heavily, moving back a step in case the impulse to cause Daniel bodily harm reared up again. “Not knowing if I’d ever get back. And it’s not the same as when you stayed behind on Abydos. You had _nothing_ back on Earth, but everyone I care about is _here_.”

Daniel’s mask of intransigent anger faded, the first echoes of compassion bleeding in to replace it, and Jack knew Daniel _got it_. Jack’s son was dead, his wife was gone… the only people important to him that Jack could possibly mean were Daniel, Sam, and Teal’c. The team. Losing _them_ was what tore Jack apart when the Stargate was lost.

Jack walked back to his living room and dropped down onto the couch, the beer in his hand forgotten and turning lukewarm. Daniel followed at a tentative pace, taking a seat on the opposite side of the couch and watching Jack closely.

Jack wiped a hand over his face. “Laira took me in. She took care of me. The villagers wanted to blame me for the situation, but she protected me. She’s a good woman, and you have no right to assassinate her character. I would have been alone without her.” He’d already been _lost_ , but at least not _alone_.

For a moment, Daniel was silent. Then he sighed. “I know.” The linguist shook his head slowly. “I’m not really mad at _her_.”

“No, just me,” Jack snorted. “Like being stuck on Edora was my _fault_.”

“I’m not mad at you for being trapped. I’m not even mad that you and Laira clearly had some kind of relationship…” When Jack visibly tensed, Daniel hurried to finish his thought. “I’m mad about how you treated Sam.”

“This isn’t about Carter.”

“Yes, it is. She worked her _ass_ off to bring you back. The best the Tok’ra could do was to get to you in a year with a ship. You’d still be there right now if Sam had accepted that. But she _didn’t_. She spent _months_ building a device to break through the Edoran Stargate. She put everything else, _including herself_ , second to getting you home. And then we get there and you didn’t even thank her.”

“Yeah, well…” Jack trailed lamely, because Daniel was right. From Sam’s point of view, her superior officer had been a superior dick.

“And brushing off Sam to go to Laira like that was just cruel,” Daniel stressed.

Jack scowled. He couldn’t speak to why that might be true – _there be monsters_ – but it wasn’t _wrong_.

But it wasn’t that simple.

“I cared about Laira,” Jack argued softly.

“You loved her.”

Jack shrugged. In a way, yes. Certainly not the way Laira had hoped or wanted, but still. Jack had accepted the idea of a life with her. And it wasn’t horrible. He knew he could learn to love her… maybe even one day as much as she wanted him to. And if they ended up having children…

Maybe Jack would never have loved Laira _enough_ , but he would have loved the kid without reservation.

God, what if she was pregnant? 

If only he’d stayed out of her bed just _one more night_ , his homecoming would have been cause for celebration. Instead it was _this_ , wrought with uncertainty, doubt, and self-recrimination.

“Do you want to go back?” Daniel asked gently.

Jack frowned, the question surprisingly painful and complex. “No.” He sat with that a moment and realized it was true to the core. He let out a sardonic laugh. “You think I’m being an asshole to _Carter_ … well, what about to _Laira_?” Because Jack had surrendered to the idea of living the rest of his life with Laira, of raising a family with her. He gave the woman hope. But the second his team came through the gate, he was all talk about not being happy to leave, but point in fact was _he left_.

Daniel pursed his lips thoughtfully.

“Laira deserved better,” Jack grumbled.

“So does Sam.”

Jack lowered his head. Of course, Daniel was right. They all deserved better than how he’d been to them. It seemed any woman who found herself in Jack’s life suffered for it. He was a walking curse.

“You need to fix things with Sam, Jack.”

“I will.” He didn’t know how, but he would. “Just… don’t drag Laira through the mud, okay?”

Daniel held up his hands in surrender. “Fair enough.”

“And, uh… sorry about what I said. About Sha’re.”

Daniel winced.

“That was out of line. I know how much you loved her – how much you _still_ love her – and I’m a shitty person to use her against you.” Jack studied Daniel, trying to think of how he could make it up to him and coming up woefully short. “You can hit me if you want.”

Daniel let out a breath, almost a laugh. “I don’t want to hit you.”

“Really?” Jack asked in disbelief.

Daniel smiled and rolled his eyes. “Okay, I do want to hit you. _Often_. But even if I want to _hit_ you, I don’t want to _hurt_ you. Does that make sense?”

“Actually, it does.”

Daniel nodded to himself. “And I’m sorry for what I said about Laira. I know she’s a good person, and I get that you loved her… but you have to understand that I didn’t watch you fall in love. I just watched Sam fall apart. One hits closer to home than the other.” Daniel left that with a one-shouldered shrug.

Jack nodded his understanding and put his beer on the coffee table. “I’ll go talk to Carter in the morning and clear things up. You know, _thank her_ for getting my sorry ass home.”

Daniel’s expression tightened. “Uh, well, if you want to see her, you’ll have to go to the infirmary.”

“ _What_?!” Jack sat bolt upright.

“After you left the mountain, I found her unconscious in her lab,” Daniel explained. “Janet thinks she collapsed from the strain she’s been under the last three months.”

“And you’re just telling me this _now_? Damnit, Daniel! You tell me that kind of shit _immediately_ , not after fighting for twenty damn minutes.” Jack was on his feet and looking for his keys in the next breath. “I have to see her.”

Daniel stood at a more sedate pace and eyed Jack’s half-finished beer on the coffee table. “You’ve been drinking, Jack.”

“Then you’re driving,” Jack proclaimed. “For fuck’s sake, having an argument _before_ you tell me Carter’s in the infirmary, of all the…”

“Feel like hitting me again?” Daniel asked, half teasing and half obstinate.

“ _Often_ ,” Jack countered testily. “Now come on, let’s go.”


	3. Chapter 3

Janet Fraiser cast a watchful eye toward the infirmary bed currently occupied by Sam Carter. Teal’c was sitting with her, holding her hand in his left while his other hand rested on the inside of her elbow. It was as much for comfort as aid – Sam had been restless and in danger of dislodging her IV. Teal’c carefully kept her IV arm still, a stalwart and unyielding friend.

Teal’c had arrived not long after Daniel left, seemingly out of nowhere, and took up position in a chair next to Sam’s bed without a word. The Jaffa had been at Sam’s side ever since, despite the fact she had not woken in all that time.

Janet let him be. She had learned a long time ago that normal rules of infirmary etiquette didn’t apply to SG-1.

She couldn’t say it surprised her when she looked up and saw Jack and Daniel entering the infirmary.

Janet’s eyes locked on Jack. Though his physical exam had showed him to be in good health, her gut still told her he was a patient. There was something not quite right with him. With Sam, too.

Judging from the look on Daniel’s face, the linguist agreed with Janet’s gut.

“Colonel,” Janet greeted as she intercepted the pair.

“Doc. What’s wrong with Carter?”

A part of Janet balked. Even if Jack O’Neill hadn’t _asked_ Sam to work herself into the ground for him, he was still the reason she’d done it. And Janet knew enough about Jack to know he would take being the reason one of his teammates was sick hard. She felt just as much professional responsibility to look out for Jack as she did for Sam.

“She has pneumonia,” Janet answered.

Jack scowled, a strange mixture of concern and… anger? _Toward whom_? He couldn’t possibly be mad at _Sam_ for having pneumonia.

“And she passed out from that?” Daniel inquired from behind Jack’s shoulder. “I thought it was mostly the elderly that got pneumonia?”

“It can strike anyone if they’re run down the way Sam was, leaving an otherwise healthy immune system vulnerable. But I believe it was low blood sugar that caused her to lose consciousness. Hypoglycemia can result in fainting.”

“This looks like a little more than _fainting_ , Janet,” Daniel pointed out, clearly distressed about Sam’s condition.

“Metaphorically, it was the first domino,” Janet replied somberly. “The poor eating habits are just what caught up with her first and brought her down. I don’t even want to guess when she last ate something, since coffee doesn’t count as a food group.” At that, she shot Daniel a look, because it never hurt to reiterate that point to the archaeologist. Janet returned her eyes to the colonel and continued, “Since she came in unconscious, I haven’t been able to get her on a scale, but I’d wager she’s lost close to fifteen pounds over the last three months.”

“Three months…” Jack muttered in a strangely distant voice as he stared at Sam from halfway across the room, as though he were reluctant to approach her.

“Colonel…”

“This is my fault.”

Janet expected Daniel to jump to Jack’s defense. When he _didn’t_ , Janet frowned in confusion. Teal’c, notably, didn’t disagree with Jack’s statement, either.

The silence puzzled Janet. It wasn’t like SG-1 to let one of their own blame themselves for something out of anyone’s control. They couldn’t possibly hold Jack responsible for being trapped on an alien world by a freak meteor storm that nearly obliterated the Stargate. No one could blame Jack for that. But Daniel and Teal’c, by not speaking up, seemed to be tacitly agreeing that Jack was somehow at fault.

Not for the first time, Janet marveled at the inner world that existed among the members of SG-1.

“Sam did this, Colonel,” Janet pointed out gently. “No one ordered her to drive herself to the point of collapse. If anyone’s at fault, it’s me.” The guilt hit like a kick to the gut, but it was unassailable fact that as the CMO, she should have intervened when she saw what Sam was doing to herself. “I knew she was pushing herself too hard, but I couldn’t bring myself to stop her.”

“You should have,” Jack said with a bite to his words, the voice of the superior officer dissatisfied with a lower-ranking officer’s judgment call.

“She was trying to get you home, sir,” Janet argued. And Janet knew that the scientific feat Sam had been trying to pull off? Only Sam could have done it. It had seemed like an acceptable risk at the time, but Janet’s surety faded when her friend was lying in a hospital bed. “We all wanted you back.”

Jack very nearly scoffed. Daniel averted his eyes. Teal’c sat up straighter in his chair, flinty gaze locked on the trio.

Janet didn’t have to be part of the inner circle to know there was tension within SG-1, there was discord and discontent, even though the team hadn’t been whole for over three months.

“She’s going to okay, though, right?” Jack finally asked.

“She’s on a course of antibiotics for the pneumonia, and I gave her some glucose to bring her blood sugar back up, but she’ll need time to recover. I’m not just talking about when she gets out of that bed, which I’m sure Sam will insist upon the second she wakes up, but in a much broader sense. She’s neglected herself for months, and it’s going to take more than just a few days bedrest to get back to where she should be.” Janet looked between the members of SG-1, all of them uneasy, and added, “I know I can count on the three of you to look after her and provide her with moral support.” She looked directly at Jack then, the person for whom Sam had worked herself sick. Jack O’Neill, home and healthy after three arduous months, Sam’s mission resoundingly accomplished. “And I’m sure having you back will take a great weight off her shoulders, Colonel.”

“Yeah… sure,” Jack grumbled sardonically. Then he rubbed at the back of his neck. “Can I see her?”

Janet blinked. She couldn’t remember the last time SG-1 bothered asking to visit a sick teammate.

“Yes,” Janet answered, “just try not to disturb her. She needs a lot of rest.” Three months’ worth, in fact.

Jack nodded carefully and moved toward the bed.

Janet couldn’t help but hang back and watch. She felt like it was within her authority as the doctor, because something was wonky with SG-1, and anything that was throwing the team out of sync could have consequences for Sam’s recovery.

When he neared the bed, Jack slowed and eyed Teal’c. For all the world, it felt like Teal’c was a sentry whose permission Jack needed first before he could come near Sam.

“Teal’c,” Jack ventured.

Teal’c watched the colonel a long moment before he finally gave one of his faint trademark nods. “O’Neill.”

“How long you been here?”

“Quite some time. I received word by way of the vineyard that Major Carter was unwell and came immediately.”

Jack was blank-faced a second, then a tiny half-hearted twitch tugged at the corners of his mouth. “‘Heard it through the grapevine’, Teal’c.”

“Indeed.”

“Well, thanks. For being here. Being there for her,” Jack said haltingly.

“You need not thank me for my vigil, O’Neill. I gladly give of myself for Major Carter’s well-being. She is my friend and therefore of the utmost importance to me.” At that last, Teal’c seemed to skewer Jack with a knowing, accusatory look.

Jack almost seemed to fold into himself, the larger-than-life man suddenly all too life-sized.

In the awkwardness that followed Teal’c’s rejoinder, Daniel came around Jack and went to Sam’s bedside, reaching out and resting a hand on Sam’s shoulder with almost fraternal care. He did it without any of the hesitation Jack had. Apparently Daniel didn’t need to seek Teal’c’s leave to approach.

Jack edged closer and canted his head as he studied Sam. “How’s she doing?”

“She does not rest,” Teal’c answered. “Her heart is troubled.”

Jack frowned.

“She’s going to be fine,” Daniel said in that quiet adamant way of his. He brushed a hand through her sweaty hair. “If doctor’s orders are TLC, then she’s going to get a lot of it.”

“What is this TLC?” Teal’c asked, “And where may we obtain it? If acquiring it is dangerous, I volunteer for the mission without hesitation.”

Daniel chuckled awkwardly. “It’s just a saying, Teal’c. TLC stand for ‘tender, loving care’.”

“I see.” Teal’c cut a look toward Jack. “If these are the things which Major Carter needs for a full recovery, then I hope they are things which we can all give her.” There was some serious _judgment_ in Teal’c’s demeanor and tone.

It was thick, and it was no wonder it provoked a response.

“Oh for crying out loud, Teal’c,” Jack snapped. “Do you really think I’m not interested in helping Carter?”

“I am uncertain,” Teal’c responded evenly. “I have noticed that you are typically reluctant to provide this tender, loving care. Rather, you are reluctant to give these things to _Major Carter_.”

Daaamn. Janet almost left to find burn ointment.

That did it, though. It got Jack’s back up and he went from meek and contrite to tall and thunderous in a second. “All right, back off there, Teal’c. I support Major Carter to the fullest extent that regulations allow, thank you very god damn much. Besides, Daniel already tore me a new one, so you can just _stop_. I don’t need it from two fronts. I get it, okay? I fucked up. I did this,” Jack gestured at Sam on the bed.

Sam stirred restlessly at the raised voices around her.

Janet swooped in. “ _Colonel, Teal’c_ , I’m going to ask you both to leave if you’re going to argue. I believe I made my order ‘do not disturb her’ clear?”

Jack cast a guilty look down at Sam then across at Teal’c.

Teal’c looked like he was not done eviscerating Jack. He merely nodded, stood, and said lowly, “Then I suggest we continue this conversation in my quarters.”

“Wonderful,” Jack answered sarcastically.

Undeterred by Jack’s displeasure, Teal’c turned to the linguist. “Daniel Jackson, would you take my place? Major Carter cannot move her arm or she may injure herself.”

“Oh, yeah, sure.” Daniel rounded the bed, slid into Teal’c’s vacated chair, and replaced Teal’c’s hold on Sam’s arm with his own. 

Jack stepped away from the bed and Teal’c followed suit. They both angled for the door.

Janet acted on a rising anxiety she didn’t consciously realize she was feeling until she stepped into the colonel’s path. “Colonel?” she asked, worried.

Jack’s going-to-the-gallows mask cracked and he looked down at her. He even smiled a little, though it was hollow and not reassuring. “It’s okay.”

Janet wanted to argue that it _wasn’t_. She felt like Teal’c was going to do damage. If not physical, then emotional or psychological.

From the resigned look on Jack’s face, the colonel knew that just as well as she did. And he welcomed it.

Damn all of SG-1 and their self-flagellating nature.

Jack touched Janet briefly on the arm before he side-stepped her and followed Teal’c out of the infirmary.

Janet looked back toward Daniel and found the young man’s face lined with unease as he smoothed his hands over Sam’s arm.

“Daniel? What is going on?”

Daniel pursed his lips. “It’s not really my place to say.”

That wasn’t good enough, damnit. Janet knew she was missing a huge piece of the puzzle, and it felt like it was relevant to the care of her patients. “Did something happen on the planet?”

He hedged and wouldn’t meet her eyes. “You could say that.”

Then Daniel clammed up, focused his attention completely on Sam, and Janet knew she would get no more out of him.

Frustrated, Janet went back to her duties, but the encounter she’d witnessed preoccupied her. She hoped whatever the elephant in the room was, that it didn’t end up trampling the whole team and leaving carnage in its wake.


	4. Chapter 4

The Tau’ri often perplexed Teal’c. He assumed it was simply how a society that did not know enslavement by a false god behaved, and he reasoned that he should embrace it.

And mostly, it was not so bad. The humans he had befriended on Earth were among the best companions he had ever known. They were also some of the bravest warriors he had ever fought alongside.

But there were times when he wanted to beat some sense into them.

As he entered his quarters with Jack close behind him, it was taking a great deal of restraint to not strike Jack. Major Carter was a skilled warrior, and she deserved nothing less than respect from her fellow warriors. Jack had not been showing her that respect. 

Were Jack another Jaffa, Teal’c would not have stayed his hand. Jaffa settled matters much more physically than the Tau’ri did. It was perhaps less civilized, but far more satisfying.

If he could not settle the matter with a fight, he supposed he would have to try and understand _why_. Why Jack O’Neill would so callously dismiss Samantha Carter’s sacrifices to bring him home. Why he would act so strangely on the planet, and why he continued to behave oddly now.

Jack closed the door as Teal’c turned to face him.

He didn’t even get a chance to speak when Jack held up his hands. “Look, _I know_. Okay?”

Teal’c said nothing. He had found silence often prompted the Tau’ri to fill it themselves.

Jack did not disappoint. “Daniel came to my house and chewed me out for being a dick to Carter already, so can we just skip the encore?”

Teal’c wasn’t sure what genitalia had to do with anything, but he ignored that part to focus on the bigger issue. “Major Carter worked tirelessly to bring you home.”

“I know.”

“And you do not seem to appreciate her efforts, though they were at great cost to herself.”

“Hey, I never asked her to do that,” Jack said defensively.

Teal’c lifted one eyebrow. That argument seemed singularly asinine. As if any member of SG-1 had to be _asked_ to do everything in their power to help a teammate. “Was there doubt in your mind that she would move the heavens to retrieve you?”

Jack winced. “Geez, Teal’c… you don’t have to make it sound so…” Jack lifted a hand in a ‘you know’ gesture then dropped it back to his side.

Teal’c demanded clarification with another raised brow.

Jack scowled at him. “You know damn well where I’m going with that, don’t pretend like you don’t.”

Fair enough. Although… “Perhaps I am incorrect about your regard for Major Carter,” Teal’c countered, “for it seems your affections were easily won by another.”

“Not you, too,” Jack groaned. “Don’t make this about Laira. I gave up, okay? Is that what you want to hear?”

“It is not. Nor would I have expected surrender from you, O’Neill.”

“Yeah, well… you all think too much of me.”

Teal’c sensed a creeping melancholy in Jack that he had not noticed before. It loosened the grip of his ire and allowed him to consider that Jack O’Neill may also be suffering. 

With quiet purpose, Teal’c moved to the rug where he performed kel’no’reem and folded himself down to the floor gracefully. He looked up at Jack in silent invitation.

At first, Jack just paced while Teal’c watched patiently. Another trait of the Tau’ri was their impatience, but Teal’c supposed he would be in a hurry all the time, too, if he wouldn’t live even one hundred years.

“I didn’t give up right away, you know. I spent days digging for the gate from sun up to sun down. Laira indulged me as long as she could, but then I had to earn my keep. So I helped the villagers rebuild, but I _still_ spent every spare hour trying to find the gate. I kept at it for _months_. I held out hope until literally the _last day_. How long was I supposed to believe help was coming?”

“I do not understand how you could ever doubt that it would,” Teal’c answered bluntly.

Jack snorted, visibly sagged, and finally lowered himself to the floor in front of Teal’c. The colonel stared at a spot on the rug as he said, “I’m not an idiot, all right? I knew Hammond would only allow the SGC’s resources to be tied up on a rescue mission for so long. When I’d been there for _months_ … I had to accept no one was coming.”

“I disagree.”

“Yes, well, I didn’t have your ray of optimism and sunshine on Edora. I know my worth, T.”

Clearly he did not. “We would never have given up trying to reach you. You would not have been forgotten and left behind.”

“I’ve been left behind before,” Jack grumbled, and Teal’c felt a pang for his friend. Like all true warriors, he had a battle-scarred past.

“Those who left you before were not SG-1.”

Jack nodded distractedly, like he heard Teal’c’s words but their meaning did not penetrate.

Teal’c studied Jack a moment before speaking again. “You should have had faith in Major Carter.” If Jack believed in no one else, he should have believed in _her_. In her ability to do what no one else thought possible… and in her stubborn refusal to be permanently separated from him.

“I _do_.”

“Your acceptance of a life on Edora would suggest otherwise.”

Jack flushed. “Look, when Carter sets her mind to working miracles, she usually knocks it out in three days, tops. After _three months_ … I had to consider maybe it just couldn’t be done.”

Teal’c gave Jack a steady look.

“Yeah, I know,” Jack grouched, “then I should have been doubly-grateful Carter pulled off the impossible.”

Teal’c gave a fractional nod.

“It’s not that I’m _ungrateful_ … it’s just… complicated.”

“I see,” Teal’c responded in a voice that suggested the exact opposite.

For a minute, Jack wouldn’t meet his eyes, picking at a frayed thread on his pants with a scowl. Finally, he muttered, “Laira wanted… she asked me for a child.”

Both of Teal’c’s eyebrows went up.

Jack winced. “She’d done so much for me and never asked for anything… except a baby. I was millions of miles from home; I had nothing to offer her but _that_. I felt like I owed her at least that much.”

That left a dark feeling in Teal’c’s chest. “You felt you could not refuse her?”

Jack’s head came up sharply. “Hey, no… it’s not like _that_. She loved me, I guess.” Jack cocked his head as he contemplated that. “I don’t know, I think I was just the best of limited choices.”

Teal’c narrowed his eyes but did not comment.

“And I cared about her. Given enough time, I think I could have… well, it doesn’t matter now. Point is, she’s a good woman. And if I had to be stuck on that planet for _years_ , if I ever got home at all… call me weak, but I didn’t want to be alone. Not when I could be with her.”

Teal’c began to understand Jack O’Neill’s sour mood at last. “You believe you may have left this woman carrying your child.”

Jack grimaced and looked for a second like he might be ill. “The reality that I could be leaving my kid behind didn’t hit me until you guys showed up to take me back.”

It all began to make sense. If there was one weakness Jack O’Neill had, it was what the Tau’ri called having a ‘soft spot’ for children. The man had a father’s soul that eclipsed everything else he was. “This was why you dismissed Major Carter’s efforts to save you.”

“Honestly, Teal’c, I haven’t even been _thinking_ about Carter in all this mess.” Jack frowned. “Which Daniel has so kindly pointed out was a shitty thing for me to do.”

“Indeed.” Teal’c thought about that a second, then conceded, “However, had you taken Major Carter into account, your dilemma would no doubt be far worse.”

“We’re not going there.” Jack leveled a stern look at Teal’c. “Even though you already _did_.”

Teal’c didn’t even bother trying to feign innocence. It would not suit two warriors like themselves. Brutal honesty was their language. As such, Teal’c’s expression was unabashedly unapologetic.

“If you were one of my junior officers,” Jack bit out testily, “I would have busted your ass for that crap you pulled in the infirmary.”

But Teal’c was not, and it afforded him freedom with Jack O’Neill no one else on the base had. “Are you angry at me for misspeaking or because it is true?”

“ _Christ_ , Teal’c…”

In that moment, Teal’c saw a man in need. A man who needed a confidante for his troubled spirit. “I know your military prohibits affection between yourself and Major Carter; however, I am not a member of it. You will find neither recriminations nor repercussions with me if you would wish to speak freely.”

Jack sat tensely and eyed Teal’c. For a heartbeat, it looked like Jack was actually considering Teal’c’s offer. Then he visibly shut down. “I can’t think of her that way, Teal’c. Simple as that.”

It seemed very far from simple, for Jack as well as Sam. Sam’s current state, and her unyielding determination to bring him home, spoke of another truth. That despite what their military might _allow_ , they both cared for each other deeply. 

But if Jack was going to insist upon denial, Teal’c would not press. He had to respect the trust Jack had shown to say as much as he did. Even if it was hardly enough. Instead, he said, “You must know if Laira is pregnant with your child.”

Jack sucked in a breath at the blunt proclamation. Then he exhaled in a rush. “Yeah…”

“You will not be at peace again until you know if you are to be a father.”

Jack dropped his head into his hands miserably.

“I will do all that I can to assist you in learning the truth, O’Neill. And know that I will remain your true and steadfast friend through any truth that comes to light. But there is nothing you can do about this possible pregnancy here and now. Major Carter is here, she is now, and she deserves your full attention.”

“She does,” Jack agreed.

Teal’c felt the last vestiges of his anger at Jack vanish. The possibility that he could have fathered a child that he then left behind was no small burden, and it excused much of Jack’s unpleasant behavior. Jack was, above all else, an honorable man. 

Knowing the reason for Jack’s attitude, Teal’c found his earlier protectiveness toward Sam joined by a protectiveness toward Jack. The man had been going through an ordeal alone. And they had only added to his struggle.

“I apologize for how I have treated you, O’Neill.”

Jack shrugged awkwardly. “Forget about it.”

“I cannot. I did not know you had such a grave matter troubling you.”

Jack’s face screwed. “Yeah, well, you’re the only one I told. About the baby, I mean. So can we just keep that between us?”

“Of course.”

Jack nodded, relieved. “Good… I just… I don’t want to answer for that to Daniel. Jesus, or to _Carter_.”

“It will remain between us,” Teal’c vowed. “And if, in fact, Laira is not pregnant, they never need know.”

“That’s the plan,” Jack agreed adamantly.

For a moment, the two men sat in silence. It was comfortable again. Teal’c had missed the colonel’s company the three months he’d been gone. Perhaps not as much as Sam had missed his company, but still a great deal.

“I understand why your heart is heavy, my friend, but you must put it aside. You may or may not have an unborn child with this other woman, but you _do_ have a friend here who needs you.”

“I know. And I’ll make it up to her, T. I swear.” He let out a harsh bark of a laugh. “Let’s just hope she’ll forgive me.”

Teal’c cracked a faint smile. “I believe that she will, O’Neill.”


	5. Chapter 5

When Sam woke up, she wished she hadn’t. She felt like hammered shit, which would explain how a groan escaped her before she was even fully awake.

“Hey.”

Sam cracked open her eyes and was confused by what she saw. Jack was sitting beside her bed watching her warily, but Sam didn’t remember lying down. Yet there she was, curled on her left side facing her long-lost commanding officer. He still hadn’t shaved, which was an odd thing to latch on to, all things considered.

“Um…”

“You’re in the infirmary,” Jack answered the unasked question. “You passed out in your lab.”

“I did not.”

A flicker of amusement fractured the unhappy set to Jack’s features. “Uh huh. Well, then Daniel found you taking a hell of a cat-nap.” His fleeting humor vanished. “How you feeling?”

Sam took stock. She felt dizzy, she felt hot, there was a heavy discomfort in her chest, and the humiliating cherry on top of this suckcake… she felt weak as a kitten. Not exactly the strong front she wanted to show Jack to prove just how much she _wasn’t_ upset about anything.

Just fucking great.

“Like a house landed on top of me,” she answered in a cracking voice. She closed her eyes and tried to bring her hand to her face to rub at the headache pounding behind her skull. Her eyes popped open when she couldn’t and realized Jack was holding her arm still.

Her arm that was sporting an IV.

Jack squeezed her arm gently when he saw her looking at him restraining her. “You’ve been fidgety. Don’t want you to pull out your IV.”

“Why the fuck do I have an IV?” Sam groused. She felt like crap and she wasn’t up for being pleasant… or respectful toward her CO, apparently. Then again, a part of her didn’t think he deserved either. She was not in a charitable mood.

Rather than pissed about her insubordinate attitude, Jack seemed worried. “You have pneumonia, Carter.”

“Oh.” She’d like to argue against that, too… but considering how awful she felt, it would be pointless. Pneumonia sounded about right. So it was a complete system crash. She had to say, it felt like hell.

“Listen, Carter…”

Sam was pretty sure she didn’t want to know what he was about to say.

Luckily, Janet saved her by showing up at that exact moment.

“Hey, look who’s awake.” The doctor sidled into the empty space next the bed. She produced an ear thermometer from her pocket and leaned down to take Sam’s temperature. “How do you feel?”

“Shouldn’t you be telling me? You’re the doctor, Doctor.” Only once she’d said it did Sam realize how _Jackish_ that sounded.

Janet was nonplussed. “Did the colonel tell you that you’ve got pneumonia?”

“Yeah, he mentioned it… when can I go home?” She just really wanted to get away from the mountain, _from Jack_ , and regroup in her own space. She had a lot of feelings she didn’t want to have, that she _shouldn’t_ have, and retreat seemed the only recourse. A safe place to get herself together.

“Easy, Major,” Jack interjected. “You know loss of consciousness earns you at least a night in lockdown.”

Sam scowled.

“The infirmary is hardly _lockdown_ , Colonel, but you _are_ staying at least overnight,” Janet said the last to Sam as she pulled back the thermometer and consulted the reading. “You’re still running a fever.”

As if to challenge Janet’s assessment skills, at that exact moment a chill raced through Sam’s body and had her suddenly shaking.

Jack stood in one fluid motion, moved closer, and pulled the sheet at her waist up to her shoulders.

The shiver gathered in her lungs like brittle, dry leaves and she began to cough.

Sam accepted the cup of water Janet was suddenly offering her and struggled into a semi-upright position to drink. The effort was more taxing than she would like to admit, and by the time she’d taken a few swallows and gotten control of her respiratory system, she felt drained.

Sam passed the cup off to someone, she wasn’t even sure whom, and dropped back down onto the bed. Her coughing fit left her flushed and sweaty and she was pushing off the sheet Jack had only moments before pulled over her.

“You’re here for the night,” Janet said with authority. “And maybe another if I don’t like how you’re doing.”

“ _Janet_ …”

“That’s not up for debate, _Sam_.” The flinty look in Janet’s eyes faltered and she frowned. “You went too far this time.”

“I did it, didn’t I?” With that she cast a brief, victorious look toward Jack. Despite any awkwardness with Jack due to a native woman in the mix, Sam had done the impossible and she’d fetched her prize. The laws of physics told her she couldn’t, and she fucking _did_. She was _proud_ of her scientific accomplishment alone.

Janet shot a guarded look at Jack before she agreed, “You did… but at what cost?”

And was it worth the price? To nearly destroy herself for a man who didn’t even really want to be rescued, as it turned out.

A tense silence descended, and Sam wondered if it was because they were all thinking the same thing.

Janet sighed in familiar frustration. “I wish I could say this was uncharacteristic behavior, but this is the same workaholic tendencies you’ve had as long as I’ve known you. Dr. Jackson, too. Frankly, I feel like it was a contest to see which one of you pushed it too far first and ended up here in a sad state.”

Sam saw Janet’s statement for what it was. A truce… for now. Janet was pissed Sam’s health had deteriorated under her watch, and there would be a long lecture in her near future, but not until Sam was better. Janet wouldn’t unduly badger her patients while they were still laid up.

Sam would take whatever reprieve she could get.

Janet picked up Sam’s chart from the instrument tray nearby and started scribbling notes. “We’ve got you on antibiotics – hopefully that will clear up your pneumonia fairly quickly. It will depend on what your immune system can do, and I don’t have to tell you it’s pretty weak right now. As for the rest, I’m ordering sleep and food. You’ve gotten entirely too little of both lately.”

Sam nodded in concession.

“And don’t act surprised when I pull you from active duty until you can satisfy me that you’re fully recovered.”

“Janet!” Sam yelped, setting off another coughing fit that left her entire ribcage sore.

“I don’t want to hear a word, Sam,” Janet scolded as she handed Sam back the cup of water. “You did this to yourself, now you have to accept the consequences.”

“Colonel,” Sam appealed to her commanding officer. If saving him meant anything, he could at least pay her back by getting her back on missions sooner rather than later.

Jack just shook his head. “You heard the doc, Carter. No more field trips until you’re ship shape.”

Sam felt that burn like betrayal, but it could have been the fever.

“I’ll let you get some rest,” Janet said gently, argument won, and set the water back on the tray when Sam was finished. She turned to Jack expectantly. “Colonel…”

“Just a few more minutes, okay?”

Sam hoped Janet refused.

Janet relented. “All right, but only a few. She needs her sleep.”

While Janet left, Jack sat back down in the chair by her bed. He dropped his hands between his knees and seemed at a loss as he sat there watching her.

Sam fidgeted. “You don’t have to stay, sir. I’ll be fine.”

She expected a courtesy pep-talk and maybe a joke. That would have been typical Jack O’Neill bedside fashion. Instead, he threw her for a loop by saying, “You shouldn’t have done this for me.”

Sam’s stomach bottomed out and it was a struggle not let that devastation show on her face. Hell, she knew damn well he’d wanted to stay on Edora the minute he blew her off for Laira, but she never thought they’d _talk about it_. “Sorry, sir… if I had known you didn’t want to come back…”

“What? No, that’s not what I meant. I meant you can’t do this to yourself on my account. I’m not worth _this_.”

Oh. Well, that just kind of pissed her off. “All due respect, _sir_ , but you can’t make that call for me.”

“The hell I can’t.” Jack leaned forward to prop his elbows on his knees and peer closely at Sam. “You are never to neglect yourself like this trying to save me again. That’s an order.”

Sam clenched her jaw and said nothing.

“Carter…”

“Permission to speak freely?”

Jack looked wary, but he nodded.

“I won’t obey that order. Not if working my ass off is the only way to save you.”

Jack looked angry at first… then he just looked tired.

Sam brought up her hand, the one not attached to an IV line, and rubbed at her forehead. She should have asked Janet for some aspirin before she left. “I would have done the same for Daniel or Teal’c.” As if that somehow made it better.

Only difference was, Daniel and Teal’c would have appreciated her hard work.

“So…” Jack hedged awkwardly after a beat. It was almost painful. Sam really wished he’d just leave. She wasn’t up for dealing with _the situation_. “I hear you built some fancy new doohickey to break through the buried Stargate.”

What a massive oversimplification of the enormous scientific _feat_ she’d performed. “Yes, sir.”

“Cool.”

Sam agreed, but it didn’t seem as amazing now, in light of the disappointing reunion and reluctant homecoming of her CO that it made possible. She felt a little bitter about that, too, if she were honest. Like he had stolen the thrill of accomplishment from her.

A thick silence stretched between them. It was so tense and so long that Sam started to wonder what the hell he was doing. Was he trying to figure out how to tell her ‘thanks, but I wish you hadn’t’? Because he really didn’t have to. She’d figured that out on her own. She wasn’t an idiot.

“Look, Carter…” Jack swiped at his beard growth and cast his eyes around the infirmary, looking everywhere but at her. “About Laira…”

“That’s _really_ none of my business, sir,” Sam hastened to say in a ‘please god, stop talking’ tone of voice.

Jack opened his mouth as if to protest – which would have implied his relationship with another woman _was_ her business – and Sam was a split second away from calling Janet back and doing whatever was necessary to get Jack sent from the room. She’d fake a seizure if she had to.

“I was just going to say,” Jack finally cobbled together, “that the whole Laira thing… well, it’s complicated, but that’s my problem. I never meant for my mess to affect you.”

“Okay…” she replied uncertainly, not sure how she was supposed to take that. Before she could decide, Sam lapsed into a coughing fit, which sucked because it made breathing hurt, but it gave her some time to think. In the meantime, Jack popped out of his seat to grab the cup of water and pass it back to her.

When she’d settled her lungs and gathered her thoughts, she asked, “Can I ask you a question, sir?”

He looked flighty as he reclaimed his seat, but he nodded. “Shoot.”

“ _Did_ you want to come back?”

“I did, didn’t I? I’m here.”

“But did you _want_ to?” She had no doubt Jack O’Neill would have bowed to his sense of duty regardless of what he wanted.

“Yeah, I did. Despite my actions lately to the contrary… yes. I’m glad to be home.”

That was a relief, at least. “Okay.” Sam nodded to herself. At least she hadn’t ripped him from an ideal (if unorthodox) retirement.

An almost-comfortable silence settled between them. Sam imagined if they were any two different people, they’d have a lot more to say. But they were Jack and Sam, and so much of _them_ went unsaid. And a lot of the time, it was for good reason. And some of the time, it was all they could do.

Seemed like this Edora fiasco would be more of that unspoken tangle of feelings they would never and could never untangle.

It was a familiar impasse, and the only recourse was to keep going. Soldier on, as it were.

In that spirit, Jack slapped his thighs and drew in a great breath that filled his chest… a clear ‘wrapping up the conversation’ signal. “So, I know it’s been three months and everyone probably got used to me not being around, but you’ll just have to get used to me again, because I’m home… hopefully for good.”

Sam didn’t realize part of the tight band around her chest was worry that he’d leave until he swore he wouldn’t and she suddenly breathed a little easier. “Glad to hear it, sir.”

He gave her a lopsided smile. His eyes were still troubled, still shadowed, but he was _seeing_ her again, and Sam would take it. The regulations allowed her nothing else. 

“Well, I’ll let you get some rest. I should get out of here before Janet thinks of a shot I need.”

Sam chuckled faintly.

Jack stood, touched an empty spot on her bed briefly, and said, “And Carter?”

“Yes, sir?”

“Thank you for what you did for me. I know I was being a jerk, but I really do appreciate it.”

“Yeah, sure, you betcha.”

Jack grinned. “Now that’s what I missed. No one on Edora really got my sense of humor.”

“It is an acquired taste. Sir.”

“Must be.” He cocked his head down at her. “So… are we okay?”

Sam considered him a moment. “We will be, sir.”

Jack nodded in visible relief. “Good. Well, I’ll let you get some shut-eye. And tomorrow I’ll smuggle you in a slice of cake.”

Sam smiled. “Janet wants to fatten me up… she probably wouldn’t mind if you brought me the whole thing.”

Jack laughed. “Now that’d be a sight. I just might do it for the look on her face. Imagine, me waltzing in here with an entire cake and two forks.” 

Sam must have been loopy, because that actually sounded great. 

He drifted closer and let his fingers rest on the back of her hand. “Good night, Carter.”

“Good night, sir. It’s good to have you back.”

“It’s good to be back. Now get well soon. _That’s_ an order.”

“Yes, sir.”


	6. Chapter 6

Weeks passed, and with them came more trouble and strife for the already beleaguered SG-1. It was not unusual for the flagship team of the SGC to jump from one disaster to another; however, in that leapfrog game of calamities, they could usually count on team cohesion to carry them through. That was not the case of late.

It was midday, and Teal’c spent a solid two hours looking for Jack all over the base before he finally checked the man’s office. That he found Jack there, sitting at his rarely-used desk, was not a good sign. Jack only came to his office – in truth, only acknowledged its existence – when he wanted to hide. No one who knew the man would look for him in his _office_.

The picture Jack painted when Teal’c finally tracked him down was not encouraging. Papers were spread before Jack and he had a pen in hand, the illusion of being busy, but the way the colonel had his left hand to his forehead, _shielding_ him from passing eyes, was telling.

“O’Neill,” Teal’c spoke as he approached.

Jack looked up, not startled but not eager for company, either. The difficulty of the past few weeks was written in his expression.

“Hey, Teal’c… what are you doing here?”

“Endeavoring to locate you.”

“Why? What’s wrong?” Jack tensed immediately, the same way a game animal tensed at the hint of a predator on the prowl. It spoke to recent events, for normally Jack would be the predator and not the prey.

Teal’c thought it should be obvious what was amiss, therefore he didn’t dignify that question with a response. Instead, he entered the office and sat quietly in the chair opposite Jack’s.

Jack watched him a moment, clearly debating whether or not he wanted to talk about it. As was so often the case with the Tau’ri (though Jack less so than most), talk won out. “I’m not _hiding_.”

Teal’c lifted one eyebrow to communicate that he saw through Jack’s denial.

Jack huffed and tossed his pen down on the table in a gesture of surrender. “Okay, fine, maybe I am.”

“These have been trying times for our team,” Teal’c agreed.

Jack snorted. “You have a gift for understatement, my friend.”

Teal’c had been told as much before. “You are not to blame for any of the trouble we have endured.”

“Oh, aren’t I?” Jack pushed back from his desk and crossed his arms, a barrier against the world. “First I’m stranded on Edora for three months – which, I’ll grant, wasn’t my fault – but then I get back only to foul things up big time with Carter.”

“You apologized for your dismissive behavior,” Teal’c said, “And you were contending with a moral dilemma regarding the woman Laira.” Teal’c lowered his voice with care. “A dilemma for which you still have no closure.”

Jack scowled and barreled on without acknowledging the problem Teal’c was bringing up. “Saying I’m sorry doesn’t negate the fact I was an ass, and it doesn’t change the fact Carter worked herself into the ground on account of me.” Jack narrowed his eyes and looked away briefly. “Thing is, T… Carter _can’t_ hold a grudge. She’s not allowed. I’m her commanding officer, and if I say to move on, she has to. Or at least put on a good show that she has.”

“I believe she was sincere when she accepted your apology,” Teal’c offered.

“Was she? Because let me tell you, those two odd weeks while she was on leave were awkward as hell.”

Teal’c held his tongue out of loyalty to Sam. As soon as Sam was well enough to leave the infirmary, Janet put her on medical leave until she had recovered sufficiently from months of neglecting her health. She spent most of that time at home resting, and while the team had visited a few times to show their support, the atmosphere had been strained. Jack believed it was because Sam did not truly forgive him; Teal’c knew it had more to do with Sam’s discomfort in the knowledge that she felt more strongly for Jack than she had previously realized.

Teal’c, naturally, would not tell Jack that. It would be a betrayal to Sam.

While Teal’c wished his friends could explore a deeper relationship if that was their wish, he respected that their duty did not permit it and that they both strove to uphold the code of their service.

“And _then_ ,” Jack continued bitterly, “when Fraiser _finally_ okays her for active duty, where I can actually do some real work toward mending some fences, the damn NID and their fucking covert op…” Jack shook his head with a self-hating grimace.

Teal’c sympathized. Jack had indeed acted deplorably toward his friends when he had been secretly working with the Asgard and Tollan to root out the NID. Duty notwithstanding, it had been unpleasant. “The timing _was_ most unfortunate,” he agreed.

Jack wiped a hand over his face. “If only the doc had kept Carter off rotation just another week… it’s not like my little under cover gig required a four-man team. Hell, I could have left Carter out of the whole NID clusterfuck entirely. She could have been at home, going nuts from boredom, and she wouldn’t have been dragged into it at all.”

There was some merit to that complaint. In fact, Sam had physically been less than her best on that first mission back, but as a diplomatic mission (at least, the appearance of one) it had been a good first mission back for someone regaining their strength. No firefights, no Goa’uld, no Jaffa. It was seemingly an ideal mission for Sam’s return to duty, what Jack would call a ‘piece of cake’. Clearly no one had considered the interpersonal ramifications of putting the team back together at that point in time.

And yet, there remained a flaw in Jack’s logic.

“I do not believe you are correct, O’Neill. Regardless of her status, Major Carter would have sought you out when word of your retirement spread. She would not have taken the news of your leaving quietly.”

“You’re probably right about that,” Jack conceded almost under his breath. “Still, would have spared her that ugly conversation in the hall. That sure as hell didn’t _help_.”

“Indeed.”

“I said some shitty things to all of you,” Jack grumbled.

“They were words without heart,” Teal’c argued. “You spoke falsely to fool an enemy. We all know this.”

“Intellectually, maybe. But you didn’t see Daniel’s face when I tore down our entire friendship.”

“Perhaps not, but Daniel Jackson will forgive you.”

“Yeah…” Jack tapped his fingers against the desk distractedly. “Honestly, I’m not too worried about Daniel. I mean, I was an ass to him, no question, but I know we’ll be okay because…” Jack hesitated, glanced fleetingly at Teal’c, then shrugged. “Well, Daniel’s seen me a lot worse. If he could overlook the guy I was when we met… yeah, I’m not worried about Daniel.”

“It is good that you have so much faith in your friendship with Daniel Jackson.”

“Kid’s too good for this crappy universe,” Jack mused. Teal’c sensed Jack meant he felt he did not deserve Daniel’s loyalty. Jack, of course, was wrong but he seemed to not be in the mood to hear that he was worthy.

“Major Carter will also realize how much she values your friendship.” Teal’c knew she already did, but Jack was obviously not at a place where he would believe that, either.

Jack winced. “I don’t know, Teal’c… she has options, you know? She may have to work with me, but she could realize she doesn’t _need_ me.”

If only Jack had seen Sam while he was on Edora, he would not suggest such a thing. Her need to have Jack in her life was undeniable. “That is not true. She cherishes your friendship as much as Daniel Jackson and I do.”

“Maybe…” Jack muttered, clearly dubious.

Teal’c could see that Jack would not be talked out of his doubts. Only time and Sam’s affections (friendly, of course) would convince him otherwise. But until Sam herself was more at peace with her feelings toward Jack, that reassurance would have to wait.

Instead, Teal’c lifted one eyebrow, cocked his head, and said, “I find it strange that you believe Daniel Jackson _needs_ you in a way that Major Carter and I apparently do not.”

Jack let out a coarse laugh. “I swear, I don’t know how that guy ever survived without me.”

“Or you without him?”

Jack sobered in a way that was all but an admission. “Yeah, well… I don’t have to tell you that Daniel and I are…” Jack made a vague hand gesture.

Teal’c nodded. He did know what Jack meant. He had watched the two men together. Their bond was familial. Perhaps it was due to the point in their respective lives when they had met. Perhaps it was because Daniel was the only person Jack was allowed to need, free as he was from the trappings of military propriety. All he knew was some part of Jack felt paternal toward Daniel, and Daniel was equally amenable to having Jack act as a father figure.

It was good to know Jack had a bond with one of his teammates he felt so certain of, that he knew he could fall back on no matter how awful things got. But it also meant Jack was not as confident in his relationship with Sam and its ability to withstand hardship.

“I have no doubt you and Major Carter will resolve your troubles and be friends once again,” Teal’c said.

“I hope you’re right,” Jack said miserably.

Even if Jack did not believe Sam needed him, Jack clearly needed her… in whatever limited capacity the Air Force would allow.

“Oh, Colonel!” a third voice jolted them both out of their thoughts. Teal’c glanced over at Harriman as the sergeant carried in a folder. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” He held out the folder in his hand.

“What’s this?” Jack asked as he took the papers.

“Line-up of this week’s missions for your review, sir,” Harriman answered.

“Ah, right. Very well. Carry on.”

“Yes, sir.” Harriman gave Teal’c a nod then left.

Jack flipped open the folder with lackluster interest at best. Reviewing the upcoming missions was one of Jack’s regular duties, though few on base would suspect it. Teal’c marveled at the way Jack could downplay how much responsibility he carried on the base. As its second-in-command, he had to be far more aware of the goings-on than he let on. Frequently, Teal’c thought, Jack’s abilities were underestimated. By Jack’s design, Teal’c suspected.

Teal’c noticed immediately when Jack suddenly went still.

“Is something wrong, O’Neill?”

Jack tore his eyes from the mission roster to glance across at Teal’c. “There’s a follow-up mission to Edora scheduled for Wednesday.” Jack drummed his fingers impatiently on the desk a few seconds, then he gathered up the file and its contents and rose from his chair. “Excuse me, Teal’c.” Then he was striding from the room with purpose.

Teal’c knew well why. Jack would appeal to Hammond for SG-1 to be sent on the mission to Edora.

He did not know what Jack would tell Hammond was the reason SG-1 should be given the mission, but Teal’c knew that Jack wanted to go to find out if he was going to have a child with the native woman, Laira.

Knowing how much Jack valued children, he honestly did not know which answer Jack truly hoped to find. A child on another planet would present problems, perhaps insurmountable ones for the team, but Teal’c also knew Jack would never regret a child he fathered. It was not in his nature to see any child as a mistake. Unintended perhaps, but ultimately not unwanted.

One thing was certain – the answer to be found on Edora would have lasting consequences for Jack, either way. Teal’c could only commit himself to being supportive, no matter what.


	7. Chapter 7

Jack did not see Laira until SG-1 had been escorted to the village hall where the elders were already assembled. She was sitting off to the side, in a jury-style box, with her son and several other Edorans who’d come to see the Earth team. Jack’s eyes went to her immediately, his entire being hitching on an inhale before speaking.

Laira offered him a kind, private smile, but did not leave her place to approach him.

Though Jack cared far more about taking Laira aside to talk to her, he had to bide his time when the elders commenced the meeting the moment SG-1 had taken seats before them.

For the life of him, Jack had no idea what the two sides even talked about. He knew Sam had that quality to her voice when her scientific curiosity was piqued about something. Jack recalled vaguely the mission report before they left Earth – something about the naquadah deposits that had originally interested the SGC in Edora fusing with the surrounding rock as a result of the meteor impacts which somehow rendered them inert as a power source? Jack wasn’t too sure on the details (seemed to him that crap should have blown up rather than ‘fuse’), but Sam seemed just as eager to get her hands on the fused naquadah to find out how the rock absorbed the energy potential of the naquadah rather than detonating and turning into so much shrapnel. There were possible defense applications there, to be sure, but until the science was hammered out by Sam and her nerds, it was all beyond Jack anyway. He felt little guilt in tuning it out.

Daniel was working him diplomatic magic with smooth words and kind eyes. He’d made friends among the Edorans, both those who’d fled to Earth with the rest of SG-1 and those who’d stayed behind. No shock there. Daniel befriended everyone (as long as they didn’t have a snake in their head). He had a knack for remembering people’s grandchildren’s names and asking how their prized flower gardens were faring.

Teal’c was the only one on Jack’s team who wasn’t giving their full attention to the elders of Edora… because half his attention was on the leader of SG-1. Jack caught Teal’c’s eye a couple of times when Jack was stealing looks across the room at Laira. The Jaffa had a wise, understanding, compassionate light in his eyes. The unspoken support only made Jack more anxious to talk to Laira and find out if he’d left a part of himself behind on this planet when his team rescued him.

Finally, at last, the meeting adjourned. The elders seemed pleased, Sam looked satisfied with whatever deal they’d struck, and Jack was on his feet in a heartbeat.

“Good work, Carter,” he said distractedly, his eyes tracking Laira as she rose from her seat and began to shuffle toward the exit with Garan.

Sam looked at him, noted where his attention was perpetually drawn, then her mouth tightened. “Thank you, sir.”

There was a _tone_ to her voice. He had no idea what she’d just negotiated with the Edorans, she _knew_ he hadn’t heard a word she said during the whole meeting, and Jack winced because he didn’t have time to do better about being less of a disinterested jerk if he wanted to catch Laira.

“Rendezvous back at the gate in half an hour,” Jack announced to his teammates. “If you want to say hi to anyone, Daniel, make it quick.”

Daniel’s mouth hung open a little in surprised confusion, for an agonizing second Jack thought Daniel was going to interrogate him, then the archaeologist merely nodded and headed off to do just that.

Jack did likewise. 

“Teal’c, Carter,” he nodded at his friends then hurried toward the door Laira had gone through moments before.

He caught up to her quickly… as if she were hanging back to wait for him.

“Laira!”

She turned and smiled at him. “Fair day, Jack.”

“Yeah, fair day to you, too.” He glanced at Garan standing by his mother’s side and offered a brief smile. “Garan… how you been?”

“Things are well here, Jack.”

“Good, good… you still with Naytha?”

Garan blushed while Laira answered for him. “They remain together… there has even been talk of marriage.”

“Wow… that’s news. Congratulations.”

“It’s just talk. We haven’t made promises yet.”

“Still, good luck to you.” An awkward silence fell between the three of them. “Hey listen, Garan, could you give me a minute to talk to your mom?”

Garan glanced at Laira, who nodded patiently. “I will be home shortly.”

Garan nodded. “All right. Fair day, Jack.”

“Same to you,” Jack gave a fleeting wave as the teenager left them.

Laira watched her son leave a moment, then she turned her attention back to Jack. “It is good to see you again. You look well.”

“Yeah. You too. How are you?”

Laira tipped her head to invite Jack to walk with her. They took up next to one another, the routine familiar from months of similar walks. 

“Things are good here. We have rebuilt much since the storm, and the summer crops are coming in. The harvests after a fire storm are always bountiful… the trade-off we make for enduring the fire rain, I suppose.” She cast a fond look at him, her eyes and mouth smiling. “Our lives are simple, but they are good.”

“Hey, nothing wrong with simple.”

She hummed. “For us, perhaps. But you were never happy with the thought of an Edoran life.”

Jack hesitated. “You’re wrong about that. I’m a fan of simple. I hope one day my life will consist of nothing but fishing and relaxing by the water.”

Laira reached up and curled her hand around his forearm, the gesture warm and affectionate. “One day… but not today. And not any of the hundred days you were with us.”

She had him there. “It’s not that I didn’t _want_ the kind of life you were offering me here. It’s just… timing.”

“Yes… you won’t surrender your sword until every last bit of fight is burned out of you.”

It sounded miserable the way she said it, but she was right.

“Just don’t fight too long, Jack,” Laira warned gently. “Don’t let there be nothing left of you but ash. You deserve better.”

He wasn’t so sure about that. “I am grateful for everything you did for me, Laira. Really.”

“I know.” She touched his shoulder with her free hand. “But I was not your destiny.”

It was a nice thought, but human choices played havoc on any idea of destiny. One choice in particular was plaguing Jack O’Neill.

Jack took in a steadying breath. “Look… I know this is awkward, and probably insensitive to just outright _ask_ , but…”

Laira stopped and turned to face him. Jack studied her closely, heart racing.

“I am not with child,” Laira said knowingly.

Jack felt a great weight lift off him, leaving him so light that he thought his feet might come off the ground. “I’m sorry.”

She smiled at him. “No, you’re not.”

“I mean, I’m sorry it didn’t happen for your sake… I know it’s what you wanted.”

“I did at the time.” She looked away thoughtfully, her eyes casting over the fields and village dwellings she called home before she continued, “And if I had discovered I was pregnant, I would have rejoiced at the life we had created… but I know now I would not want a child with a man whose heart would never call this world home.”

“I would have stayed,” Jack said lowly. “If you were… I would have come back. I would have helped you raise our child.”

“I do not doubt that you would have… but you would never be truly happy here. You would be _dutiful_. And there is honor in that, but, Jack… I don’t want dutiful. I want love.”

He thought he would have loved her, given time. But saying he could learn to love her wasn’t exactly romantic, and Laira deserved romance.

“I want you with me because you cannot stand to be without me… not because you feel obligated.”

Jack had nothing to say to that. Because if he had stayed, it would have been for just that reason.

Laira shrugged minutely. “Perhaps if your people had never found a way to return for you… perhaps then. But the moment I heard the voice come through your little box, I knew you were lost to me. You would never have been content to stay when your heart yearned to travel the stars. Not while a doorway stood ready for you to open it.”

It was cruel, but it was absolutely true.

Jack studied Laira a moment, and he thought it was a shame he hadn’t met her in a different time, a different place… he really thought he could have loved her. Instead, she tore down his walls with truths he could not deny.

“For what it’s worth,” Jack took her hand and caught her eye. “You deserve love.”

Laira laughed. “Just not yours.”

Jack grimaced. “Trust me, you deserve a hell of a lot better than me. You always did.”

Laira shook her head and covered his hand with hers. “You are a good man, Jack. I do not regret our time together.”

“Neither do I.”

Laira smiled, stepped in close, and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. Jack closed his eyes and entertained the _what if_ for a fleeting moment. A life of harvesting crops and canoeing down streams and dances in the village hall. There was an appeal to it, he couldn’t deny that. No more getting shot at, no more alien prisons, no more fate of the world hanging over his head. But he just couldn’t make that trade. Her kiss would never replace the rush of gate travel.

Laira moved back and nodded at him. “Much as it hurts me, I see now I was not the love you needed. But I hope you find it someday. There is someone out there made to love you.”

He thought that might be the first time Laira was utterly wrong about something, but he didn’t say so.

“Promise me something?” she asked.

“What?”

“Don’t deny yourself when you find her.”

The reality of Jack’s situation demanded voice. “I had my shot at that life already,” Jack said painfully. “I had my chance, and I blew it.” After what happened to Charlie, he didn’t deserve another chance at happily ever after. It was a harsh truth he had learned to live with.

Laira was shaking her head. “I have known your heart, Jack. Even if only a fraction of it. Enough to know there is still another great love within you. Swear you will hold fast to it when it finds you.”

“I will,” he answered, because it seemed an easy thing to say. A simple, hollow promise to make to ease Laira’s mind.

Laira beamed. “Then my heart is glad.”

She was really a good woman. A good person. What had she ever been doing with him in the first place?

“I have to be heading back,” Jack said softly.

“Of course. Back to your not-simple life.”

Jack smiled. “Yeah.”

“I hope we will see each other again.”

“I’m sure we will. Carter’s wound up like a squirrel on crack about your naquadah rocks, so we’ll probably see a fair bit of each other while she gathers samples to her heart’s content.”

Laira looked at him then, something pensive and far too smart in her gaze. Sara used to give him a similar look. Jack always did have a thing for brainy women.

“I see. Would you give my regards to Major Carter?” Laira asked.

The sudden interest in Sam threw him, but Jack nodded all the same. “Sure.”

Laira nodded knowingly. “Then fair day, Jack.”

“Fair day, Laira.”

Laira touched his arm gently in parting, then she turned and headed toward her home.

Jack watched her go and felt like he had been given back his life. The damaged, stressful, complicated life he could call his own.

Laira had offered him a simpler life, true… but Jack found he was glad to have his own messy one.


	8. Chapter 8

Sam was starting to hate Edora.

Which wasn’t fair to the people – the Edorans were friendly, and god knew they met too few friendly peoples in their galactic travels – but every time Edora came back into her life, Sam was left uneasy and unhappy.

Not that she would ever admit it. To admit it would mean admitting she felt more for her commanding officer than she should. If she didn’t have inappropriate feelings for Jack, Edora wouldn’t bother her. Therefore, she would deny having a conditioned dislike for Edora until her dying breath.

Unfortunately, her team knew her too well. She didn’t have to say anything for them to _know_.

Sam, Daniel, and Teal’c were waiting for Jack by the Stargate. Sam had a sample of the fused naquadah rock in her pack to take back for study, but she found her enthusiasm for the project dampened by the painful fact that Jack couldn’t wait to go to Laira the second the meeting with the elders was over.

She put on a brave face – she always did – but Daniel came up beside her anyway and offered her a sympathetic smile.

“Hey, Sam.”

“Daniel,” she answered carefully, knowing that look in his eye enough to be worried about the next words out of his mouth.

“Jack’s an ass.”

“Daniel…” Sam said in exasperation.

The linguist gave her a patented innocent look. “Well? He is. He had the tact of a bull in a china shop the way he bolted after Laira.”

Sam straightened her back defensively. “It’s fine. Who the colonel spends his time with is none of my concern.”

Daniel gave her a look that said she wasn’t fooling anyone. Over Daniel’s shoulder, she saw Teal’c give her a pitying look.

That just pissed her off. “Guys, _really_. This is ridiculous. Colonel O’Neill and I are just teammates.”

That seemed to wound Daniel. “Sam…”

“Okay, _friends_ … but nothing more.” And friends was dangerous enough. It had gotten her here, after all, with an embarrassing _crush_ on her CO. One he obviously didn’t reciprocate, and why should he? It was unprofessional as hell. She was mortified by it herself, to say nothing of how much it must embarrass him. She was sure most of the awkwardness between them of late was her fault – Jack realized she felt something she shouldn’t, and he was doing his best to ignore it to spare them both the discomfort of dealing with _it_.

“O’Neill holds you in very high regard, Major Carter,” Teal’c offered as he moved closer (fuck if it didn’t feel like they were closing ranks around her to offer _moral support_ ). “He has important matters to discuss with the woman Laira, but those do not diminish his feelings for you.”

“Okay, _enough_ ,” Sam snapped, infusing as much command into her voice as she could rally. “This talk stops now. You both know there is nothing going on between me and Colonel O’Neill. It would be against regulations, and he and I could _both_ get in a lot of trouble if rumors started circulating that we were in breach of them.” She gave Daniel and Teal’c a steely look that said ‘drop it’ clear as day.

Daniel held up his hands in surrender and Teal’c offered a solemn nod of acquiescence before he turned his attention back toward watching the path from the village.

Sam felt better that they were going to leave it be. If someone at the SGC caught wind of the fact that her own teammates suspected inappropriate feelings on her part, it could mean the team being split up. That would be disastrous, not to mention humiliating for Sam. It was hard enough being a woman in the military without something like _that_ following her the rest of her career. So she was relieved Daniel and Teal’c were backing off… not that it changed how she truly felt.

It was times like these, situations like hers with Jack, when Sam longed for a friend she could talk to. Janet was Air Force, so Sam could never admit her feelings for Jack to the base doctor. And anyone outside the SGC couldn’t be told anything on account of the classified nature of the program. It left Sam in a very lonely position.

Secretly, Sam hoped SG-1 never returned to Edora. Let one of the many other SG teams do it. Sam wasn’t normally one to run from her problems with her tailed tucked between her legs, but... well… there it was. Sometimes the only thing to do was retreat.

“O’Neill approaches,” Teal’c announced, and Sam and Daniel both turned to follow Teal’c’s gaze. Sure enough, Jack was cresting the rise that constituted the ridge of the crater left behind by the meteor strike.

Sam didn’t realize a deeply buried part of her feared he wouldn’t return until she saw him coming and a tightness in her chest eased.

‘Get it together, Carter!’ Sam chided herself and moved toward the DHD, ready to dial home at Jack’s command.

Jack reached his team and before he said anything, he looked toward Teal’c. Sam frowned when Jack gave a relieved smile, shook his head, and Teal’c visibly relaxed and offered a nod in return.

Normally, Sam was in on the silent language SG-1 spoke, but that exchange baffled her.

“Jack?” Daniel asked, the single word holding so much meaning. It carried a lot of the anxiety Sam herself felt about the possibility of Jack not going home with them.

Jack lifted his chin in a partial nod. “Let’s go home. If we get a move on, I can make it back in time for the Simpsons.”

Sam smiled in relief.

Daniel let out a huff of almost-laughter, nervousness released, then he went to Sam’s side as she began to dial the gate. Jack came up behind them, a distractingly solid presence behind Sam’s left shoulder, and she had to tamp down the insane urge to hug him.

When the event horizon whooshed to life, Daniel punched in the iris code on his GDO and turned toward Jack expectantly. It felt eerily like Daniel was waiting for Jack to move, and if Jack wasn’t going to leave Edora then Daniel wouldn’t, either. Sam glanced at Teal’c and she had a sudden realization that they were all standing their ground the same way.

‘No one gets left behind’ was a creed central to SG-1, and she marveled that in a place deeper than their intellect, they were all silently vowing to stay if Jack did. All or none.

Sometimes, Sam _really_ loved her team.

Jack looked between his three comrades, clearly sensed the same thing Sam did, and a heartfelt, gentle smile pulled at his mouth. Accusations of inappropriate attachments aside, at that moment Jack was obviously overcome with love for his team, too.

With a clearing of his throat, Jack said, “Go on through with Teal’c, Daniel. Carter and I will be right behind you.”

Daniel exchanged a confused look with Sam, then shrugged and turned toward the gate. Teal’c was on his heels as they stepped through the event horizon.

Sam made to move toward the gate and follow them through when Jack’s hand landed lightly on her arm. “Carter… wait a second.”

She turned to him. “Sir?”

Jack looked down at her a moment. It couldn’t have lasted more than five seconds, but it felt like five minutes. Enough for her to start to worry. Maybe he was trying to address her inappropriate feelings. They were millions of miles from the SGC, he’d conspicuously sent Daniel and Teal’c through first so they couldn’t be witness to her lecture… for that she was grateful, she supposed. He would at least spare her the embarrassment of anyone else knowing Jack ‘had a talk’ with her about her stupid crush.

The fact that Jack looked hesitant, like he didn’t know how to say what was on his mind, didn’t help Sam’s anxiety. Because how did one respectfully shoot down a junior officer without damaging their working relationship and team dynamics?

She was a split-second away from rambling out an apology and trying to end their horrid encounter when Jack seemed to reach some decision and cocked his head slightly, a softness to his face that was pure _Jack_ without a trace of Colonel O’Neill.

“C’mere.”

Sam went to him before she even registered he’d opened his arms, that he’d taken a half-step closer. He’d done that to her, conditioned her to move into his embrace anytime he said that one word. Jack never hugged without warning.

Sam slipped her arms around his back instinctively, only really stopping to think about what he’d done when his arms were folded securely around her. But by then she was there, she was in his arms, and it hurt how much she liked it there. She couldn’t imagine pulling away without basking in his warmth first. It was the hug she’d desperately wanted since they went back for him on Edora, but for obvious reasons it was a hug she never got. 

Until now.

It meant something that he would hug her without grave injury or emotional agony to excuse it. It felt _illicit_. He felt forbidden because he _was_. There was a reason he only felt free to do this on an alien world millions of miles from the eyes of the Air Force, half of their team already back on Earth and none the wiser.

“I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting,” he said lowly, almost whispering into her hair. He said it in a way that sounded like he was promising things were going to be different from now on, that the strange tension around him would be left behind on Edora this time.

Sam truly hoped that was the case. She’d missed her friend.

“It’s okay.”

He squeezed her slightly, seeming to melt her bones and leaving her hoping he didn’t step away just then… she didn’t think her legs would hold her. Which probably proved that Janet was right and this _was_ a problem. Sam wasn’t sure how this happened to her, her emotions in a knot because of her CO, but there was nothing she could do about it now. He was in her heart, and he wasn’t going anywhere.

“Daniel’s right. I’ve been an ass. You shouldn’t be so quick to forgive me,” Jack said in a low, dangerously-close-to-sultry voice. 

“Yes, well,” Sam ran her hand over his back, more than she should have but not as much as she longed to, “what can I say? I’ve got a soft spot for you.” She kept her tone light… let the truth hide amid the humor.

Jack chuckled and pulled away to look her in the eye. Sam found peace there. The tension that had existed between them since he got back from Edora was gone. She felt strong again, once more on equal ground with Jack, because the gentle light in his eye said she wasn’t alone. Maybe he didn’t feel as strongly about her as she felt about him, she would probably never know (such was the nature of the beast), but he felt _something_. He wasn’t free of that thorny problem of caring too much.

Just knowing they were dealing with the unwieldy issue _together_ made it infinitely easier to bear.

Jack nodded wordlessly, gestured toward the gate, and said, “Shall we?”

Sam smiled. “Yes, sir.”

For the first time in months, she truly believed they were going to be okay.


End file.
